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How To Design Your Life

How to lighten up about all the things that are troubling you.

How To Design Your Life

When I first started writing these weekly musings I would almost always write about a theme that inevitably came up in client sessions. So, I thought I would revisit that. This week there were two themes: 1) Lighten the F-Up! (sorry if that offends your sensibilities) and 2) When you look back on your current moments in time you will likely look upon them favorably, or be able to see something positive that came out of it, so why not stop trying to make your "now" unpleasant and allow your life to unfold as it will.

I think the first theme comes from my reading of a book on the idea of True Fun, and how to have more of it in your life, i.e. making memories. The thought that keeps coming to mind is, "are the things you value the most in this life the things you spend the most quality time cultivating?" For example, if you think that it is important to enjoy your life, are you spending much time truly doing that? I don't mean scheduling yourself out to have a lot of activities that you may have an idea is enjoyable, I mean truly having fun and enjoying your life. When I think back on the fondest memories that I have they are almost always with an important person or persons in my life, doing things like gathering for a meal, playing a board game, or just sitting and having a coffee. It is the conversation, the connection, and often an element of playfulness that makes it Truly Fun.

Prior to the last 5 years, I was so busy trying to make memories, schedule fun, and schedule activities that I rarely had any fun. I was also so busy working, to create all the things (houses, cars, vacations, etc.), that I didn't even notice that I wasn't having that much fun. I was so busy achieving that it consumed most every moment. It didn't dawn on me that life was passing me by and the one thing I was prioritizing was work, to the detriment of all others, including my child.

During this time I was where I was supposed to be, doing all the things I was supposed to do, and thinking about work or the future. I was what I call "driving to drive" vs. "driving with intention". The "driving to drive" was what I thought was an innate urge to succeed and achieve, at all costs. Don't get me wrong, this kind of drive does produce results, but it has never felt good, it's exhausting. It felt like pushing, bulldozing, sludging through mud, and a lot of resistance. Like nothing I did was enough. If I had to describe my experience of it I would say it was like being in a trance or fixated. On the other hand, "driving with intention" has a very different feel. It feels like when you have a good idea and you go toward it and everything feels easy, right, and often falls into place.

The other theme that emerged this week was this ability our brain has of taking challenges from our past and remembering them favorably when we are in the midst of a challenge now. Maybe I'm the only one that does this? This really has to do with what I believe are two of the most important instructions to enjoying your life: 1) let go of what or how you think people or circumstances are supposed to be and 2) allow life to unfold as it will. Both letting go and allowing lessen the resistance to anyone or anything and thus allow you to enjoy yourself more.

Between trying to be perfect/look like my life was perfect, wanting to please others or caring what they think about me, and the lack of self-confidence, it was no wonder True Fun was lacking! When I look back on that life it is difficult to find what I espoused were my values and the qualities to making a good life, in my life. I was living a life, but it was a life by default, not by my design. In looking back I realize that I didn't even know what I truly wanted, I was just doing what I had learned and society told me I should (i.e. make money, be successful, accomplish things, buy stuff, work really hard and often), in order to enjoy my life. This is that "driving to drive" thing. It took me a really long time to figure out that I don't have to accomplish things in order to have value. And, most importantly, having joy, peace of mind, calm and stillness are the most meaningful and rich qualities to enjoying your life.

Come join the conversation. Come learn how to find joy, peace of mind, and meaning in your life. Come discover who you really are and what you really want, in order to enjoy your life. Click on the link to schedule a time for a chat here:
Let's start our journey together now to truly enjoying your life.
Erin "life by design" Mac

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