One of the things that I have noticed lately is how pervasive it is for us to seek outside of ourselves for answers. It's not our fault because we are taught that when there is a "problem" that we should think about how to come up with a solution. That all seems normal, right?
Except, what if there are no "problems?" What if the "problems" are just unmet expectations of how we think or want people or outcomes to be? I read something in this book recently, "Your mind is always telling you that you have to change something outside to feel better inside." This is precisely what I believe is the "problem" (FYI, I do not believe there are any problems!), seeking outside of yourself for the solution. (Hang with me for a moment, I think it will make more sense, or not, shortly!)
See, if the "problem" is inside why wouldn't we go inside to seek the solution? You may be thinking," How do I know the "problem" is inside?" You know the problem is inside because if it was a problem for everyone we would all be talking about the same thing. Example: You go to a party with a friend and they point out someone that they don't care for and explain that they are rude, abrupt, that they just get under their skin. Your experience of that person is the opposite (nice, kind, etc.) or even neutral (hadn't thought much about them at all.) Or, your friend complains about their boss/co-worker/employee, does this have any bearing on you while you listen to the story they tell? Maybe you get up in arms because you agree with your friend, but you don't really have angst against that actual person, just what your friend says they stand for. So, what is happening here?
What is happening is that from a young age we had experiences that shaped what we believe the "rights" and "wrongs" of our world are and emotions that are attached to them. From these "rights" and "wrongs" we developed expectations of ourselves, others and outcomes in which we hold them to. When they do not do, act or say things within our expectations or circumstances do not turn out how we would like then we go into reaction over them. And, we are allowed to because that is what everyone is doing all day long, expressing their emotions based on their expectations.
So, now what? How do you stop the cycle of looking for external circumstances and people to make you feel good? You begin to realize that when something is troubling you, the journey to "fixing" that is inside. I help people understand and navigate that journey inside. It's not scary, it's actually liberating. To no longer be at the mercy of people or circumstances to dictate whether you feel good or not is true freedom! If you would like to discuss this further let me know what your availability is next week. Peace, Erin "free to just be" Mac